trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
