how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
