I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
