Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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