somebody snuck up and got me drunk
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
