it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
