im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it's like iHOP with fire
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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