I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
