Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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