Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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