At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
