i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
