So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
