I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
