I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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