Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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