o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
