We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
