Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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