why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
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