we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
