i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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