After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
