so that wasnt chicken after all
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
