im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
