so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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