ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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