Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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