Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
