So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
