Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
