she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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