Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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