that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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