Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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