Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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