Only a mothe r could love this liver
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
