this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
