We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
