Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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