I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
