thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
