his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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