Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
