I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
