there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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