I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
