Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
