i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
