If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
