I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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