i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
