Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
